Woman can’t book in-laws if she, hubby stayed abroad

New Delhi: A woman cannot book her in-laws under the Domestic Violence Act if she, along with her husband, had stayed abroad at the time of matrimonial dispute, the Delhi High Court held.

“There can be no domestic relationship of the wife of the son with the parents when the parents are not living along with the son and there can be no domestic relationship of a wife with the parents of her husband when the son, along with the wife, is living abroad, maintaining a family there and children are born abroad…,” said Justice Shiv Narayan Dhingra.

“In order to constitute a family and domestic relationship, it is necessary that the persons who constitute domestic relationship must be living together in the same house under one head. If they are living separately, then they are not a family but they are relatives related by blood or consanguinity to each other…,” said Justice Dhingra in a judgement.

“Once a son grows up and he starts earning, marries, makes his separate home and sires (fathers) children, the burden of his wife cannot be put on to the shoulders of his father or brother on an estrangement between husband and wife….” the court said.

The Court also pulled up a family court judge for directing the in-laws, who stay in India, to pay jointly Rs 50,000 towards the monthly maintenance to their daughter-in -law, Payal Malik.

“I am surprised that the court below did not give weight to the judgment of New Jersy, USA, court where parties lived for seven and half years but assumed jurisdiction under the Domestic Violence(DV) Act because of the pure temporary residence of the wife in Delhi who is otherwise a resident of Hissar…,” said the court and set aside the lower court’s July 27, 2009, order to pay maintenance to the woman.

The Court’s ruling came on an appeal filed by Harbans Lal Malik, father-in-law, Neelam (mother-in-law) and Varun Malik, brother-in-law besides Nagesh Malik, the husband, challenging the lower court’s order. Courtesy MSN news

Sexual violence has a profound impact on physical and mental health of an individual. Not just that it also has both immediate and long term consequences. It can have an impact on mental health as on physical as well. Sexual violence can also profoundly affect the social life of the victim. In India especially, with the orthodox mentality prevailing strongly in the rural parts, individuals may be stigmatized and detested by their families and others in the society and the neighborhood.

Sexual violence, especially in domestic violence, is usually a result of the expression of power and dominance of one sex over another in most cases, dominance of the husband over his wife. The problem aggravates when men think that their actions are legitimate just because they are married and that they have full control and power over their wives. Also in our country, women really do not talk about domestic sexual violence because they too think that their husbands have a right to torture them and rape them and that all they can do is shed some tears. This is seen in remote rural areas of the country. Many of the women and men are also be raped when in police custody or in prison. The common consequences of sexual violence are those related to mental health and social wellbeing being disrupted.

The traditional attitude on issues related to domestic violence gave top priority to privacy. Police officers, government and other social forces were always reluctant to interfere in family matters in the past and preferred to simply counsel the couple even in extreme cases instead of making arrests and generating the process of criminal justice.

However in recent times, the spirit of activism shown by advocacy and feminist groups has brought the effect and scope of the criminal justice system to redress wrongs done by domestic abuse in sharp visibility.

Domestic violence is now being viewed as a public health problem of epidemic proportion world over – and many public, private and governmental agencies are seen making huge efforts to control it. Given below are the main bodies from the leading countries of the world that are rendering great service in this area. There are several organizations all over the world – government and non government – actively working to fight the problems generated by domestic violence to the human community.

Police intervention, law and justice, social workers and medical professionals are all tackling this sensitive problem in a more realistic manner now. United Kingdom, US, Canada, India and all other leading countries in the world have made rapid progress in this area.

In India – Sakshi – a violence intervention agency for women and children in Delhi works on cases of sexual assault, sexual harassment, child sexual abuse and domestic abuse and focuses on equality education for judges and implementation of the 1997 supreme Court Sexual Harassment Guidelines. Women’s Rights Initiative – another organization in the same city runs a pro bono legal aid cell for cases of domestic abuse and work in collaboration with law enforcers in the area of domestic violence.

In Mumbai – the commercial capital of India, bodies like Majlis and Swaadhar are doing meaningful works in this field. Sneha in Chinnai and Vimochana in Bangalore are working on many women’s issues arising from domestic abuse. They are also doing active work in issues related to labour. Services ranging from counseling, education and outreach, giving provisions, and mobilizing and organizing activism are provided by them. Anweshi is a women’s counseling centre in Kozhikode that doubles up as meditation, resource and counseling center for battered women. Then there are several domestic violence redressal bodies in Calcutta like the Socio-Legal Aid Research and Training Center, Prgatisheel Mahila Manch and Swayam. All the above bodies have their own registered offices, contact numbers and websites for those who want to seek help.

In the United Kingdom Kiran Asian Women’s Aid and Asiana operate as Asian Women’s refuge center. They are run by women who understand the culture and needs of Asian women. There are various bodies in all the states of US to redress the wrongs done to human beings by domestic violence and abuse. They are situated in California, Connecticut, Georgia, Illinois, Louisiana, and Maryland. Michigan,Massachussetts,New York, New Jersey, North Carolina, Pennsylvania,Virginia,Texas,Oregon, Washington State and Washington DC. In Canada – Saskatchewan, Montreal and Vancouver house several bodies which provide redressal, safe services and shelter for victims of domestic violence.

Domestic violence also takes a huge toll on a nation in terms of its various resources in addition to the human. The economic damage of domestic violence is truly enormous – but a broken life cannot be measured with a rupee. However victims of domestic abuse do incur huge medical bills and loose their capacity to be commercially productive. Victims of domestic violence usually suffer psychological damage also and need continuous mental care to function normally. ‘Family’ being the microcosm of society, the effect of domestic violence infects the forthcoming generations and violates all the people living with the perpetrators and victims of violence. It will not be an exaggeration to state that domestic violence has a rippling effect on society, causing whole generations and communities to become sick.

Moreover, domestic violence is hugely damaging to the state in terms of time and money spent by health workers, law enforcers, lawyers, courts and social activists. Social welfare organizations are now being built with fully functional staff and shelter facilities for the victims of domestic world over. These cost a lot in monetary terms with their entourage of counselors, other services and hotlines.

Many surveys (time and again) have revealed that domestic violence translates into absenteeism from work, decreased productivity, re training of works and sometimes retrenchment for the employed. Needless to say, that this has reduces the GDP of nation’s considerable, forcing the world to function below its potential. It has also been concluded that domestic violence has a terrible effect on children, and sabotages the growth of the future generation. Education institutions are now recognizing this fact and providing specialized services to children who suffer from behavior and attention problems emanating from domestic violence.

Children growing in houses which are infested with the syndrome of domestic violence require clinical care for depression, panic, fear, anxiety, stress and shock related mental problems. These problems also metamorphose as physical ailments in many cases. Such children grow up to be less productive and cost the state money for their poor abilities. Individuals who are brought up with the terrible effects of domestic violence are not optimistic, can take lesser risks and usually continue the cycle of violence in their adult life by – either being perpetrators or willing victims of abuse.

In conclusion, domestic violence can never be eliminated from society unless society refuses to tolerate it. This will require an internal change in the basic nature of society world over, beginning with the recognition of the worth of every human being as an individual. If the law does not buck up in terms of implementing punishment on those who violate others within the sacred walls of the institution called family and home, the weaker will continue to be violated and abused by the stronger – physically, mentally, materially and spiritually.

Secretary Donna E. Shalala, DHHS has described abuse against women as “an unacknowledged epidemic in America”. (Curtsey DHHS Fact Sheet March 1994). Domestic violence has escalated into a serious health concern in western society in last twenty years. Communities across the world have identified the menace of domestic violence and are busy formulating and implementing strategies to fight it. On the flip side, the phenomenon of domestic violence has been explored and studies as an issue which effect women exclusively. But it is no longer a problem effecting women only. Spousal abuse where men and women are both victims is ravaging every sector of society – overwhelming human courts and hospitals and filling morgues. The reach of domestic violence goes beyond the limits of gender, age, class and caste. All humans should offer themselves to become a part of this deadly menace threatening to destroy human order and dignity.

Moreover, domestic violence can destroy the future of human communities by destroying their children. Children who have witnessed and endured domestic violence can themselves become abusers in their adult life. Some of them even develop a victim mentality inviting and accepting abuse all their lives. Lesbian and gay relationships have been granted legal rights in California to fight domestic violence between people who are trapped in unnatural sexual relationships. Indian law now recognizes the legal rights of partners who are into live in relationships. All humans whether men, Women or children should be made aware that they are entitled to live their lives in a safe and healthy atmosphere, and that they should conduct the business of their lives without the fear of physical, sexual and emotional abuse. Domestic violence requires to be tackled very seriously as a fact of human life and a severe health hazard to human beings.

Domestic violence can destroy the abuser, the victim, their children and other family members repeatedly on various levels. The destructive effect of this form of abuse takes its toll on human health and productivity in terms of economic, social and psychological well being. Violence can also travel from generation to generation in the form of stress, anxiety and personality disorders. It is the duty of each individual to work on the community level to recognize and counter this menace in his own and other families.

Physical assault, spousal abuse, social humiliation, economic abuse, homicide, elder abuse, child battering, child abuse, partner abuse, woman battering, man battering, date violence, courtship violence, same sex violence ,sexual assault, marital rape, acquaintance rape, stranger rape are all deadly manifestations of domestic violence.

The ugly face of dowry related crimes within the high walls domesticity, where brides are burnt for dowry, and female children squashed in the wombs of the mothers – gave birth strict anti-dowry laws listed in Article 498 A of the Indian Penal Code. Effective police action and increased social awareness of the evil effects of the practice of dowry, has done much to diminish its popularity. But dowry still persists in many parts of the country and is one of the main reasons of domestic abuse.

Dowry started as custom in the upper classes of Indian society, but became the bane of all classes and communities with time. Sanctioned dowry stimulates the emotion of greed, in man and undermines the true purpose of matrimony. Joint families are still a part of Indian society. An Indian girl marries to become a part of the boy’s extended family, unlike western countries where the man and woman marries to live alone and create their own financial independence. The social definition of family in India places an added burden on the girl’s family to pay a dowry. All dowry demands are made verbally in the form of customs and rituals, and these demands continue indefinitely beyond the extent of the wedding date. An inability to cater to these demands, then leads to domestic violence and abuse.

A girl child is still not welcome in Indian families for the same reason. Bride burning for dowry is also very common in Indian society. Many married girls commit suicide due to monetary demands made by their in laws on their parents, and other family members. In conservative societies there is no way of escape for a woman whose life is in danger in her matrimonial home, due to dowry demands. She has to accept the physical and mental torture meted out to her in her husbands home with quiet resignation. This can prove fatal for her life. Orthodox Indian parents rarely take married girls back into their homes as it is considered a big disgrace.

However there is now an increasing concern in Indian society over the terrible misuse of this custom and anti- dowry laws have been framed to punish those who harass the bride and her family for dowry. This has also lead to a new wave where girls and their families make false cases of dowry related harassment against their husbands and their families. Bride burning is the most horrendous form of dowry related crimes which still happens from time to time in India. The crime is normally cloaked as kitchen burns or accidents by the groom’s family.

Simply put, when psychological problems start interfering with physical health, emotional well being, work productivity, relationships and ability to deal with normal life situations, you need to talk to someone like a psychologist. For many victims of domestic violence, psychological problems are created by their situation, and leads to more violence.

Post traumatic stress disorders, depression, anxiety, disassociation and substance abuse can all be results of violent domestic situation. For many victims of domestic violence, these problems result from violence and contribute to the continuation of violence –forming a vicious cycle from which it becomes very difficult to extricate oneself. In other words, it has been observed by psychologists that intimate partner violence or abuse and psychological problems interact in a vicious cycle that obstructs the victim’s capacity to take any action in terms of stopping the violence.

It has been researched and proved, that resilience or the ability to bounce back comes from a healthy self esteem. A healthy physical body, mental flexibility enables the aggrieved party to take positive steps towards eliminating the violence. Environmental factors can either serve to protect the victims or facilitate domestic violence. Communities should be generous in offering resources which help separate victims of domestic violence from their perpetrators – putting an end to the violence in their lives.

It has also been observed that a past history of trauma increases the risk of psychological ailments – manifesting into a negative world view and negative self image. The tendency to react with anger to life situations also obstructs the path of recovery from traumatic experiences.

Psychologists have observed that people with trauma react angrily to stress a situation – which gets into the ways of resolving the traumas related to emotional disorders. It is often found that women hesitate to exit abusive relationships due to guilt. Coping methods like denial, subservience and avoidance are manifestations of depression and never help solve the real problems.

Women linger into abusive relationships by fantasizing that the partner has stopped abusing, instead of making a realistic analysis of the situation and taking responsible decisions. Economic dependence and the attitude of society along with a mental conditioning regarding gender roles keep women involved in abusive domestic situation for life time.

The psychological shift that can help one change or exit an ugly domestic situation literally translates into a change of perception. It is important to overcome the viewpoint of the batterer which keeps the victim locked in abuse. Mental helpers can help victims develop positive mental habits which act as buffer against the emergence of mental difficulties from traumatic experiences of life. This amounts to a balanced and flexible approach toward life, which means a willingness to view the positive and negative aspects of circumstances and people. It has been seen that this approach diminishes and even prevents the advent of post traumatic stress.

Women who take the responsibility to solve their problems are less likely to stay in abusive situations. They become active problem solvers by believing that they too have the power to change their lives and can make a difference.

Nearly half the children in abusive families have themselves been subjected to beatings and emotional abuse. Children living midst domestic violence are also more vulnerable to sexual and physical abuse. It should be obvious to any sensitive individual that a child witnessing physical and psychological violence between his parents is bound to be effected.

Children living in such circumstances show signs of distress and stress in their behavior. Their anxiety often manifests in the form of aches and pains, bed wetting, sleep disorders, aggression, cowardice or extremely childish behavior. They are seen to have temper tantrums and loose concentration. Boys from violent homes become disobedient and violent – and start using aggression to solve their problems. This they learn by aping adult behavior. Adolescent males can play truant and can succumb to drugs and alcohol.

A girl child from violent home can withdraw from society and become completely depressed. Girls are seen to loose their self esteem and imagine physical distress. They can also become suicidal, cut themselves and have eating disorders. Females bottle up their anxiety and can get drawn into bad relationships as teenagers. Children from violent family often perform badly in academics. Post-traumatic stress disorders like nightmares and flashbacks are also observed in such children.

The long term effect of domestic violence on children can be very damaging to society. Children from violent homes usually grow up to be violent and abusive themselves. Parents are the role models for children and they copy their behavior as adults. Boys learn to be violent like their fathers and girls learn to accept violence like their mothers, as something expected and unavoidable. However there are many instances of children turning against their parent’s behavior and trying hard not to make the same mistakes. But children from unhappy and violent families often lack social qualities and find it difficult to get on with other people.

Society should be made aware of the harmful effect of domestic violence on children. A sensitive society will help the victims themselves resist such violence, and seek help. Professionals like teachers, doctors, social workers and nurses should always make themselves available to battered children for guidance and advice when needed. Posters and other printed material about the effect of domestic violence on children should be pasted in schools, health centers and community centers to give information and guidance to all. Legal advice should also be easily accessible to children in dangerous situations arising from domestic violence. Any help offered to children who are victims of domestic violence is a long term commitment on many levels. Concrete help involves survival needs like a safe place to live, money to get along and distance from abuse. Counselling and psychotherapy should be given to the parent who is a victim of domestic violence. Contact arrangements and schools have to resort to such measures, as these are like special needs. Children of domestic violence might also need extra help and counseling by their teachers in school, to cope with the rigors of academics.

These battles are usually fought without troops and weapons by meek women, with few children in tow. Aggrieved parties in most domestic violence cases are women, due to the vulnerability of their position in a patriarchal system of society. Men, children and old people can also become regular victims of domestic violence in some instances.

Victims of domestic violence have to push against the closed mind-set of society, besides handling their own pain and trauma. They are usually watched by curious eyes, and condemned by wagging tongues – instead of being helped out of a violent situation by friends and kin – because few have the courage the transgress the limits of another’s home. There is always a (tacit) closed door policy guarding all situations of domestic violence, and the victim feels too guilty to bring out the outrage in open.

All victims of domestic violence should be reassured, that if they fight for their freedom – the struggle will be worthy and meritorious. To help self and one’s children escape a life of violence and indignity is not a sin. A brave woman sets an example by fighting violation of human rights in her home, and inspires other victims of domestic violence to do the same. Her efforts are in accordance to the spirit of community good because domestic violence is prevalent all over human society. Counselors and psychologists all over the world continuously exhort victims of domestic violence to seek help by talking about their problems. Any battle against domestic violence cannot be fought alone and needs lots and lots of help from relevant people.

It is often seen that victims of domestic violence feel ashamed to ask for help. This is due to the isolation and insults perpetrated on them continuously in their own homes. Loss of confidence and self worth is the obvious result of living with bad and violent relationships. It is important for the victim of domestic violence to remember that it is the abuser who is to blame for their condition, and not themselves. Unacceptable behavior deserves to be countered. One can turn for help to understanding friends, relatives, neighbors and church community services, when trapped in violent domestic situations. More and more people are seen becoming sympathetic towards victims of domestic violence now.

It is advisable to identify sensitive people who one feels are smart and understanding, and also not decline to give and receive help to and for victim of domestic violence. Help can be given and received in the form of an employment opportunity, a listening ear, an afternoon given to baby sit a child, a trip with a victim to the police or the social support group, counseling and sharing or just a round of the market with battered souls. It is also important for victims of domestic violence to become aware of their legal rights.

Women coming from rural background in India are more vulnerable to domestic violence compared to their counterparts in urban areas. This is because of their vulnerability due to lack of education, exposure and opportunity – and the nature of Indian society.

The Indian state of Bihar tops the list of women, who are physically abused by their spouses. Married women from the state of Himachal Pradesh are found to be less likely to face violence at home, compared to other states in India.

Thirty seven percent of women Indian rural women have faced abuse and violence at home according to a new survey (survey 111) done by National Family Health body. They were found to be more vulnerable to violence due to lack of education. Rural women with no education are more easily violated by their spouses and in laws, but very few report this in public. However, it has been found that rural women with secondary or higher secondary education are also abused by their marital families more often, than those who are born and bred in urban areas and given less education.

It has also been observed that illiterate women face more violence from their husbands compared to literate women. According to National Family Health Survey-111, 37.2 per cent Indian married women have experienced violence and abuse by their spouse.

The survey states that 40.2 per cent Indian women from rural areas are facing more violence from their husbands compared to urban regions where the percentage is 30.4 except Bihar. In Bihar women from urban areas faced more violence then their sisters from rural areas. This was a strange phenomenon sited in the lawless state of Bihar. 62.2 per cent of its women were subjected to the trauma of domestic abuse in urban areas compared to 58.5 per cent of women from villages. The two big metros Delhi and Bombay were more humane in their treatment of women compared to other areas. 16.3 women emerged as battered in Delhi and 19.5 per cent in Mumbai.

The percentage of domestic abuse and violence perpetrated on women in other Indian states was found to be as under :-

46.3 – Rajasthan

45.8- Madhya Pradesh

44.1 – Tripura

43.9- Manipur

42.4 – Uttar Pradesh

40.3 – West Bengal

38.8 – Arunachal Pradesh

India is in its villages and even after sixty years of independence, Indian women are facing social slavery. A Nation which calls itself liberated and independent, still allows its woman to be physically, mentally and sexually abused by man. Indian husbands can hold their heads high in their society even after beating their wives, especially in rural regions.

Economic dependence and the ritualistic and regressive nature of village society have made rural Indian married women more vulnerable to violence in their homes. They almost never report the violence to a legal body and keep a tight lipped silence for life. They are raised to believe that it is normal to be violated by their men after marriage.